It’s easy to feel underappreciated—especially as parents who work outside the home.
We work hard in our jobs, often times putting in long hours and offering the very best we have. And we return home exhausted—all in an effort to provide for our families.
This feeling of underappreciation, at times, can turn into frustration. We might begin to ask ourselves, “Can’t they see how tired I am? Can’t they see how hard I’m working to provide and pay the bills? Don’t you realize I’m doing all this for you?”
There’s an old saying that goes like this, “Money can’t buy happiness.” In fact, it’s so commonplace and we hear it so often that we reflexively nod in agreement, “Of course, money can’t buy happiness.”
But maybe it would benefit all of us to rethink the truth held in that saying, especially in the context of our family relationships. And even more, when we as the main provider, are feeling undervalued.
It’s really easy to fall into the trap of assuming that our loved ones measure their happiness or satisfaction by the same parameters that we measure ours—career progress, financial stability, material success.
But maybe, just maybe, the most meaningful thing to them has nothing to do with the money you provide. Maybe you are the most meaningful thing to them.
Maybe your family doesn’t care if they have more money, or live in the biggest house, or drive the nicest car, if it means seeing less of you.
What if your kids and spouse are more interested in having you present at their games, sitting with them at dinner, or spending lazy Saturday mornings together? What if all they want is to share their daily joys and challenges with you, to know that you have made them a priority in your day, supporting and cheering them on in their individual journeys?
What if that’s what they want most from you?
What if they don’t care about your potential pay-raise nearly as much as you do? Maybe they just want to sit down and watch a movie together.
It’s time to challenge our long-held beliefs about what it means to provide for a family. Could it be that being present and active in our family’s life is more valuable than any amount of money or material possessions?
Now, this is not to suggest that providing for your family’s financial needs isn’t important. But the point is not to lose sight of what truly matters.
At the end of the day, your family won’t remember the brand of their sneakers or the size of your TV, but they will remember how you made them feel, the memories you created together, and the time you spent with them.
The truth is, you’re already providing for them in the best possible way when you’re present, when you show up—not just physically, but also emotionally and mentally. Meaningful provision is about being there to listen to their stories, to help with their homework, to comfort them in times of distress, or to simply share a laugh together.
This might be a tough reality to face, especially for those who have routinely sacrificed family for financial gain. But it’s a question that we would all be wise to ask ourselves. You might not be able to go back and relive the past, but you can certainly rewrite your future.
The next time you find yourself working late or missing another one of your child’s games, pause and ask yourself: “Is this truly what my family needs from me?” The answer might surprise you.
And the next time you feel underappreciated as the main financial provider, it might help to remind yourself, “Maybe there’s something more important that I can provide for them right now.”
Because maybe, your family doesn’t care about money as much as you do. They just care about you.