When you stress less, you feel more relaxed and have the capacity to enjoy life more. I used to have a boss who told me that we all thrive better under stress. He did his best at creating a stressful environment to work in for his staff. I tried to adapt to the thrive or die corporate culture and it didn’t work for me. No one really thrived there. Most people quit or got fired and felt awful in the meantime. Have we all had that boss before?
After my MS diagnosis in 2006, I began to eliminate stress from my life and I continue to do so. I am healthier without it. Even though it seems like dealing with stress is just a part of life, you may not have to suffer as much as you think. Reducing stress (just like reducing clutter) is a step by step, sometimes inch by inch adventure. Even though it can be a slow journey, it’s a worthwhile one. Find ways to stress less so you can sleep better, feel better and start to notice what brings you joy and delight.
9 Simple Notes To Help You Stress Less
Let these little notes bring you back when you are feeling stressed and continue to eliminate stress that is within your control. Start with things like your wardrobe, mornings and habits. Slowly and gentle progress will feel better than pushing through.
1. If it’s too heavy, put it down.
Let’s drop the “no pain, no gain, push through at all cost” narrative. It’s not working. When it’s too heavy, put it down. When you need a break, take one. When you need to rest, rest. Later, you can decide if you want to pick it up again, ask for help carrying it or let it go. Trade pushing through for resting through, for easing through and for taking care of you all the way through.
2. Just let some people misunderstand you.
This is real self care! Alica Lockhard says, “Life became a lot simpler when I decided just to let some people misunderstand me.” Proving and explaining why we are the way we are, why we like what we like, choose what we choose and believe what we believe is overrated and stressful. It’s not your job to make sure everyone understands.
3. Don’t worry about making everyone happy.
I wish everyone happiness and I refuse to spend time and energy making sure my choices are pleasing to everyone. Both can be true at the same time. We know that pleasing everyone is not only exhausting, it’s unrealistic. It’s time to stop disappointing yourself by attempting to please everyone else.
4. Be your “favorite self”
5. Leave space in between everything.
I used to forget to make space in between in the name of getting it all done. Now I know that the rest, breath, noticing and healing that happens in between means more to me and positively impacts how I feel, treat people and do my work. Instead of filling up all the spaces in the name of productivity or trying to get it all done, embrace extra space. It’s yours. You need it. You deserve it. When an appointment cancels, or something falls off your to-do list, instead of replacing it, take the space for yourself.
6. Stop trying to give your all.
We are so conditioned to “do our best” and “give it our all” that we’ve forgotten a few really important things.
- Your best is dynamic. Your best is different at 8:00 am than it is at 8:00 pm. Your best is different before and after coffee, taking a walk or lying down for a bit. Your best is different after you get bad news, have a fight with a friend or spend any amount of time reading comments on the internet.
- Offering your all is unregulated and unreasonable. No one should expect all of you (in your work life or your personal life) nor should you feel compelled to offer it.
- Your best is specific to your skills and ability. Giving my best removing someone’s appendix or cooking in a Michelin Star kitchen wouldn’t be very good at all. Even if I tried really hard and gave it my all, it wouldn’t matter. There are some things where your best will never be enough. Let other people do those things.
Today, declutter the words and the effort behind doing your best and giving it your all. Instead, offer what you can reasonably do while taking care of yourself. Always remember there is plenty of opportunity between giving it your all and giving it nothing to offer something great.
7. Remember that there is a fine line between being informed and being completely overwhelmed.
Whenever I share that I’m taking a break from the news, someone always tells me that it’s important to stay informed. I agree. Kind of. It is important to stay informed but not on an hourly basis or even a daily basis. It’s also important to consider how you are informed. I don’t “watch” the news or news clips or video shared online. I read the news. I choose what I let into my heart and soul and how I let it in. If you are feeling overwhelmed, take a break from the news, social media and the internet whenever you want. Being uninformed for a minute allows you to feel the way you want to feel instead of living in a reactionary state 24/7.
8. Recognize what is not up to you.
Note to self (and anyone who needs this loving reminder). We can’t control everything. Identify what is within your control and what is not. Then, for less stress, stop trying to make the things that are not change in some way. It’s not up to you. I know that things like the weather, and the expectations, opinions and judgements from other people are not up to me. And I know that what is up to me is how I respond to anything that is not up to me. I can respond in my own way, on my own time which sometimes means not at all or in a way that might not be satisfying to others. Learning this has been a gift to my nervous system and has allowed me to take better action and to make a difference in a way I could not do before. For more peace, be gentle as you decide how, when and if you react.
9. You aren’t the problem most of the time.
The problem is not your organizing skills or how you manage your time. The problem is that you are dealing with too much. I understand the idea of being organized, and the benefit of having organizational systems and routines but I also see that most of these systems were just created to help us save everything and store more stuff and get more done so we can bask in the glow of our productivity. I don’t care about those things. One of the reasons we are so easily overwhelmed is because we have so much to deal with. By turning your focus from organizing to living with less, you can create more margin so when bigger things happen they don’t completely upend your life. You need a buffer and some margin for the unexpected. Let’s face it, if organizing worked, you’d be organized by now.
There will be seasons of life that are more stressful than others and times when stress gets the best of us. That makes it even more meaningful to protect our peace and reduce stress where we can.