I’m sharing these time boundaries because I’ve heard from so many of you who are considering joining The Simplicity Space tell me that you have no time for yourself. Without time for yourself, it’s hard to take care of yourself let alone do things you enjoy. When do you get to just be you in your life? This is after all (as Mary Oliver calls it) your “one wild and precious life” and it’s being eaten up by your never ending to-do list, commitments, and trying to show up for everything and everyone.
If you are tired of being stretched to thin and feeling overwhelmed with how much you have to manage and care about, it’s time to consider these essential time boundaries. Setting these time boundaries will help you be intentional about how you spend your time so you can divert more of it to YOU. I’m not exaggerating when I say that creating and protecting time for yourself will transform your life.
7 Essential Time Boundaries to Transform Your Life
Before you decide which time boundary to start with, ask yourself what you will do with an extra hour a day that is just for you. You could …
- nap
- read
- draw
- spend time with a friend
- write a book
- bake cookies
- explore a new career
- volunteer
- listen to music
- do whatever you want
An hour a day to do whatever you want is worth giving these time boundaries a try. They are simple but they aren’t always easy. You have to practice them and it will help to spend time with people who understand why they are important to you. Trust yourself to get started and keep that extra hour in mind when it feels challenging to set or hold your boundaries.
1. Saying “no” is the most powerful time boundary.
Saying “no” more often may feel hard but it really is the most powerful and effective way to create more time for yourself. Start by setting a time boundary for yourself to say no to things you don’t care about and things you don’t have time and energy for. Then consider pulling back even more. My friend Heidi told me, “It’s easier to take back a no than to take back a yes.” It’s a helpful phrase to remember when you practice saying things like, “No thank you.” “Not today.” “I’m not interested.” “I’m not the right person for that.”
At first glance, you may think, “how negative,” but what’s behind each no is a whole-hearted yes. And if you change your mind, you can more easily take back a no. Saying no with more ease is critical to protecting your time for the things you love. When you crave a slower, more spacious schedule, just remember, it’s easier to take back a no than to take back a yes. If saying no is a struggle for you, these tips can help make it easier.
2. Resist the call to get caught up.
If catching up worked you’d be caught up by now. What if we stopped compromising sleep, rest, health, love and fun in the name of catching up, realizing that we are never caught up for more than a moment (if ever)? Then we’d be able to take better care of ourselves and the people we love.
Check in with your catching up habits. Are you staying late at work, or staying up late trying to catch up with email, your work or things around the house? And if you are doing that, do you feel caught up or do you just feel like you are caught in a never ending cycle of falling behind and catching up. To create more time for what you love, reprioritize with this time boundary. Instead of constantly trying to catch up, get in your life first. Notice it. Breathe it in. Show up for it. The other stuff can wait.
3. Put a time boundary around where your attention goes.
Most things don’t require or deserve your time and attention. Even though it feels like we are pulled in a million different directions, we do not have to respond or devote any energy at all to most of the things that are saying, “choose me!” It’s not just the big things either, really see where your minutes and moments are going. Save this precious resource of attention for something precious.
4. I don’t know who needs to hear this but you can say no even when you aren’t busy.
I don’t say “no” because I’m so busy, I say “no” because I don’t want to be so busy. Just because you have time or availability for something doesn’t mean you are obligated to say yes. You are the only one who can protect your time. Don’t create time so you can do more things (especially things you have no interest in). Even things that only take a few minutes build up. Create space for more life and for that one hour a day that is just for you. This time boundary invites you to say no even when you aren’t busy which may mean saying no without an explanation.
5. Pretend the internet is broken.
I think we all know where the biggest time sucks are. Email, Instagram, searching things, news alerts and all the browsing and scrolling. For a little while every day and a little bit longer every week, unplug. Create pockets of quiet, get bored, and embrace solitude. Track how much time you spend online each week. If you cut back 25% how much time will that give you? If you aren’t ready to fully disconnect, try removing email, browsers and social media from your phone. It’s likely that just by setting this time boundary, you’ll create that extra hour a day just for you.
6. Stop trying to do it all.
Doing more things doesn’t make you a better person, it makes you a tired person. Often we try to prove our worth by what we get done which means we always we feel like we have to do more. Your worth, your heart, your you-ness, it’s not connected to how many checkmarks are on your to do list, how clean your house is or how many hoops you jumped through at work. Check in with the “doing more” part of your life. Is it working for you or against you? What would happen if you pulled back a little on proving yourself by how much can do? You’d probably have more time for the things you actually want to spend time on.
Whenever I think I don’t have time for (insert the thing I most want to do here), I remember Elizabeth Gilbert’s words, “You have to stop doing things you want to do so you can do the thing you most want to do.” This means that I have to let go of things, even good things. There are too many amazing, wonderful, interesting, compelling things … the good stuff. This means that we have to say no to some (I mean a lot) of the good stuff too. It’s why I’m so good at saying no to the “meh” stuff. I want to have room for as much of the good stuff as possible.
7. Don’t sacrifice your sleep in the name of doing one more thing.
Giving up sleep hours will rob you of awake hours too. It is so much harder it is to enjoy the day when you are exhausted. Honor your bedtime and avoid these sneaky habits that are destroying your sleep. Limit whatever gets in the way of you and sleep. The obvious suspects include alcohol, caffeine, worrying and stress. Deal with worry and stress after a good night of sleep instead of during what should have been a good night of sleep. Better sleep will make these other time boundaries more worthwhile.
P.S. For more support in creating time for yourself, join me in The Simplicity Space.