Note: This article on how to be a good friend is written by contributing writer, Tammy Strobel.
Typically, I don’t like to use the word “busy.” The word conjures up images of me rushing from meeting to meeting. Also, being “busy” makes me think about the times I tried to prove my worth by working way too many hours. Today, I try not to over-schedule or overwork myself. Lately, my schedule has been fuller than I’d like. I’m reflecting on ways to do less, so that I can make more space for the activities and people I love. As such, I’ve been thinking about how to be a good friend.
I love revisiting articles and books that inspire me; especially when I’m reflecting on how to be a better friend. For example, one of my favorite writers, Anne Helen Petersen, wrote a piece titled – You’d Be Happier Living Closer to Friends. Why Don’t You?. In the article Petersen discussed why adults don’t live closer to their friends. Some of the reasons included not being socialized to prioritize friendship, friends who scattered across wide geographic areas, the housing market, job status, and more. Also, not prioritizing friendships can lead to loneliness.
One of Petersen’s readers wrote about moving closer to friends in the comments section. They said, “… It’s hard to push back on the pressures of capitalism and definitions of success based on the nuclear family. I’m going to die someday, and I want to look back on my life and feel that I spent as much time as possible with the people I love, prioritizing joy and my personal values as much as possible. All of the constructed pressures around home ownership, wealth accumulation, job status — none of it inspires genuine peace or gratitude like being in community with the people who fill your heart. At least not for me. And so now I preach the good word — a meaningful social life over everything, if you can make it happen. (I know not everyone can.)”
This comment, and Petersen’s article, resonated with me. I’m not able to move closer to many of my friends. However, the authors reminded me that it is possible to be a good friend even when I’m busy (and far away). Below are some tips I use to have good friendships. I hope they help you too!
7 Ways To Be A Good Friend (Even When You Are Busy)
1. Communication is key
Let your friends know what’s happening in your life (both good and bad). Tell them about your schedule, and let them know when you have time to hang out. Being honest about your time constraints is important, and it’s just as important to tell your friends that you love them and want to stay connected. Communication is important to the depth and quality of friendships!
2. Focus on quality not quantity
There are many ways to keep in touch with friends. Some ways to stay connected include sending text messages, voice memos, letters, sharing updates on social media, and my favorite – phone calls. For example, if you don’t have an hour to chat with a friend on the phone, talk for 15 to 30 minutes. Focus on the quality – not quantity – of your interactions. Even a short phone call or a text message can strengthen your relationships.
3. Schedule time for friends
The best way for me to stay connected with friends is scheduling specific times to hang out (either on the phone or in-person). Also, I send text messages and voice memos to friends frequently. These commitments are just as important as my job or a doctor’s appointment.
If you have downtime, schedule time to spend with your friends. For instance, I’ll be taking a break from work soon. I’m looking forward to talking with my friends on the phone, going on lunch dates, and taking bike rides in the park.
4. Be supportive
Recently, one of my friends broke up with their romantic partner. I tried to show my support for them, even though I couldn’t physically be there. I sent encouraging text messages, listened to their stories on the phone, sent them uplifting postcards, and more. If your friend is having a hard time, show your support and let them know you care. Small gestures of love are powerful and are often all it takes to be a good friend.
5. Utilize technology
I’m a fan of digital minimalism and utilizing technology. I’ve learned to use technology with intention, and that has made my friendships stronger. It’s also made me happier. For example, I love using my phone to stay in touch with friends. Phone calls, text messages, and video calls help me stay connected and updated on what’s happening in my friends’ lives.
6. Be flexible
Sometimes I can’t see my friends as much as I’d like, so it’s important for me to be flexible and loving when thinking about how to be a good friend. For example, friends have work commitments, kids, or the responsibility of caring for aging parents. Part of being a good friend means that I need to be empathetic, understanding, and flexible with their schedule.
7. Plan ahead
Planning activities and trips with friends in advance is fun! Plus, planning trips helps me be intentional about how I want to spend my time. I recently visited San Diego and I was able to hang out with good friends and my co-workers. The trip wouldn’t have happened without planning, and we had a blast!
Bonus tip: “Time with other people really matters.”
In an interview with Elena Renken author and friendship expert Lydia Denworth said, “Friendship is so familiar that we think we know all about it, but we don’t fully appreciate it. We think it’s pleasurable and fun, but friends are often the first thing to go when you’re busy. Or you fall in love and ditch your friends. I was guilty myself of passing a friend on the street corner here in Brooklyn and saying, ‘Let’s definitely get together,’ and then not. We are so achievement driven in so much of what we do. I think it’s healthy to be reminded that time with other people really matters.”
If you’re in a busy season of life – like me – you can still make time for friends. Reach out to a friend you love today. Say hello and make a date to connect.
Resources about how to be a good friend
If you are looking for resources about how to be a good friend, explore the list below.
Podcasts
- Aminatou Sow and Ann Friedman no longer publish new episodes of their podcast Call Your Girlfriend. However, their podcast archive is available for your listening pleasure. It is filled with enlightening and helpful conversations about friendship.